Days passed by
so quick that I didn’t get the chance to realize that my height is still growing
even for zero point five cm for each month okay that was exaggerated a bit but
whatever-
It feels
like baru semalam I wished everyone happy new year for the year of 2014 but now
tinggal about four months to greet 2015. Wow just wow.
Takut kan?
That we are
growing older yet not knowing what the future hold for us & watching our
parents grow as well scared me.
I might not be a decent daughter but I tried my
best to be one. Although I think I failed tsk.
My not-so-final
semester one examination is coming up as well & I don’t even know what to
feel.
All I do is ask myself “apa aku belajar hari ni”
Whoa there,
hold on I’m not the only one that blurted that sentences. Trust me, half of my
class did.
Do you ever
had this one moment of silence where all you ever did was think about yourself
& not even care to bother all the bullshits in life.
I experienced that a few
days ago.
It was when I
got back from work in the middle of the night. Was it twelve am or one? Yep, it
was around that time that a thrilling yet confusing thought crossed my mind.
Ayah was the
one to fetch me every single time I finished working. Kalau ayah ada shooting,
it’ll be mom but kalau aqib and syafiq free, kadang kadang diorang hantar balik
jugak after diorang teman aku makan malam oops yes I ate every night booyah
Mana tadi?
Oh yes the
thought.
Maybe I was
overthinking. Maybe I was frustrated. Maybe I was just sad.
As soon as
we reached home, ayah went upstairs, leaving me downstairs because I decided to
eat instant noodles that night. It wasn’t really pitch black & I’m not really
that fond with the darkness. The only source of light that night was only from
the dining table. Was it because of the noodles? I started to feel so so so
fckn lonely I’m not kidding you.
There was no
one around me. I was chaperoned by the silence & I hated that moment. The
little things that I kept inside urged to be spilled yet I keep my mouth shut.
The volcano in my heart was about to burst. Burning the sensitivity of my nerve
called eyes.
Without me
realizing, tears streamed down my cheeks & I was so surprised “weh apahal
ni”
I knew I was
sad but I didn’t want to admit it. Be sad sucks.
You feel me?
Nah.
I wanted to
whine. Then I picked up my phone on the table, opening my contacts list as I let
my thumb scrolled down.
Dumbfounded.
I was left dumbfounded when the contacts list came to the end.
The end?
I just
realized I aint got no one to talk to. Friends? I got em. But at that night, no
one yes, no one came in my mind. It’s like everyone gone missing. Heck yeah I was
surprised.
By then, I came
to a conclusion where you are actually alone in this world. A loner.
That night, I
was a loner. A pathetic one.
I felt yang
everyone loathed me, hated me, disliked me and etc. I felt I’ve been annoying
to everyone. “was I a menace to everyone?”
Syafiq said I
think too much. He said to be positive. He said I was saying craps.
“kalau kau
rasa ada orang benci kau, mesti akan ada lebih ramai sayangkan kau, tau tak?”
I keep
wanting to fix myself sebab aku tau, sometimes I could turn into a spoiled brat
but then, entahlah. Kenapa aku nak happykan hati orang lain? Kenapa aku nak
kena jaga hati orang lain?
If I did,
siapa nak jaga hati aku? Tak ada kan?
So, kenapa
bother?
Do things
that make you happy.
If you were
asked why are you acting like an asshole or maybe heartless sometimes, speak
up; you’re living in this world not to satisfied others but yourself. You
deserve happiness.
And I deserve
one too.